“Do not give your attention to what others do or fail to do; give it to what you do or fail to do.” Buddha

Welcome to Connections

Your weekly pānui for tips, tricks, and strategies to deepen your connection with your tween, teen, or adolescent.

Ngā mihi ki tō tau hau, happy new year!

It’s so easy to play the blame game. To slip into giving our precious time and energy to pointing the finger of blame at others and at circumstances.

We get so good at “If only …” and “It’s not their fault …” when things go wrong.

Sadly, all the blame game does is keep us stuck. When we’re in blaming mode we give our power away. We blame circumstances, others, ourselves and then we stop. We’ve done our blaming. We now feel it’s their turn to do their part to make things right. Naturally enough, they don’t do their part (😂chances are they don’t even know you’re expecting them to do something different!) and so we grumble, and we blame a bit more …

Recognise this cycle?

Just thought, “OMG!!! That’s so true”?

WHOOP, WHOOP! You’re on the right track.

Awareness leads to change.

Pay attention to the things/people you’re blaming. Keep a list in the notes section on your phone. Interesting? Personally I think it’s always a revelation when I’m aware of the things I’ve been blaming. I get really curious …

• How come I think that?
• How useful is that thought?
• Is that something my mum/dad/aunty would have said?
• Is there a different way to approach this?
• What else could I say or do?

Like the old saying goes, “Once we know different , we can do different.”

Awareness truly is the beginning of change. And now is the beginning of a new year. What better time to change?

Kia pai tō wiki ... have a great week

Melanie

PS: If this has you thinking “It won’t work for me,” use this link to investigate ‘Powerful Parenting.’ A one year intimate group coaching container. We work from July 2024 to June 2025 - growing, reflecting, changing and becoming the parent we want to be. All the time! Book your spot here.

Melanie Medland is a communication coach, an author, and a course creator.​

More at www.beautifulconversations.co.nz​

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