Welcome to Connections

Your weekly pānui for tips, tricks, and strategies to deepen your connection with your tween, teen, or adolescent.

Kia ora Reader

The number one thing rangatahi tell me they want their parents to do for them is ….Hold boundaries and expectations for them.

Before I started working so closely with rangatahi I would never have guessed this! After all, the purpose of adolescence is to push back against those boundaries.

It turns out that the boundaries and expectations we hold are the things that give our adolescents a sense of security and safety.

These boundaries and expectations give them the opportunity to live in a bubble of a world, created by us, while they begin to grow the skills they need to create a world that works for them - AKA their life.

The trick of parenting adolescents is to be aware of the ways in which we are holding our boundaries and expectations.

If we’re doing it by means of "my way or the highway" things are going to get messy pretty quickly.

And if we’re doing it by means of "we’re friends" things will also get equally messy equally quickly.

It’s the middle ground that holds the key.

The space where we:

• Listen to what they have to say
• Make sure we understand what they’re telling us
• Ask for their thoughts on how to go forward
• Share our concerns openly without judgement
• Work together with our rangatahi to find a way forward that keeps everyone safe

Creating this space will mean letting go of tried and true parenting techniques (like shouting) that have 'worked' in the past.

It’s possible.

It’s possible to parent your rangatahi with love and connection, listening is your key.

The next time you’re challenged and you take a deep breath to fill your lungs with air - PAUSE - exhale, and ask them, “what do you want me to know?”

Their answers may surprise you.

Kia pai tō wiki ... have a great week

Melanie

Melanie Medland is a communication coach, an author, and a course creator.​

More at www.beautifulconversations.co.nz​

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