“Inspire yourself to take measurable steps towards who you want to be.” Anon

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Your weekly pānui for tips, tricks, and strategies to deepen your connection with your tween, teen, or adolescent.

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Self Responsibility - two words we use regularly. What EXACTLY do we mean when we trot these words out of our mouths?

If we’re not sure, chances are our teens won't know either.

And … given many teens are in that push back stage of life, they’ll be delighted that we’re a bit unsure. Some of our teens will even be clever enough to exploit the truck sized gap we’ve left for them!

Taking responsibility for yourself is a skill that is taught.

It starts with small steps which look like:

• Putting your own plate in the dishwasher or on the bench because that's just what you do - without reminders
• Listening to others and replying
• Restraining yourself from hitting your sibling even when they’re really annoying
• Brushing your teeth morning and night
• Taking a shower without being reminded

With consistent training and love these responsibilities grow over the years to include skills like:

• Completing all your study
• Cooking a meal regularly
• Contributing to keeping communal spaces clean and tidy
• Doing your own washing
• Driving safely

All these skills are stepping stones towards living an independent life for your young person.

After 18 trips around the sun with you, your young person will be making plans to move away from their childhood home. That step into independent adolescence is H-U-G-E. There’s so much to learn, to take on and for many young people as much as they long for their independence they are also challenged by the move.

Getting them ready to leave home before they actually do leave home is a real bonus. My son recently shared a story with me that had us in fits of laughter. One of his new flatmates had a habit of leaving his clothes in a pile on the bathroom floor. He would get out of the shower, get dressed into his clean clothes and then wander off. The pile of clothes grew. After a few days the new flatmate was asked (jokingly) when was his mum coming to pick up his clothes? The flatmate got the hint and started picking up after himself while the other flatmates had a laugh at his expense.

I can only imagine how happy that particular mum would be too once her son had moved out and she no longer had the chore of picking up after him!

Why wait though?

Why not be aiming for independence from your domestic skills well before they’re ready to move out?

I encourage you to spend a few minutes jotting down some ideas of what self responsibility looks like, sounds like and feels like to you. If you’d like inspiration, use this link and read this month’s blog post as a useful starting point, or this link if you’d like to watch. When you have clarity, share your thoughts with your rakatahi, and open a conversation.

What does self responsibility look like, sound like and feel like when they’re 10, 13, 16, 18 … What does a good flatmate look like? How can you help them to show up as a responsible adult?

Lean into the conversation and see what their thoughts are. Be curious and find out what changes you can make together.

Powerful Parenting is open for enrolment. It’s an intimate one year group coaching course that covers self responsibility skills - yours and theirs! For more information, use this link and be ready for when we start stepping up together.

Kia pai tō wiki ... have a great week

Melanie

PS: Here's the links to the blog, the vlog and Powerful Parenting.​

Melanie Medland is a communication coach, an author, and a course creator.​

More at www.beautifulconversations.co.nz​

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