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Your weekly pānui for tips, tricks, and strategies to deepen your connection with your tween, teen, or adolescent.

Kia ora Reader

The idea of ‘grace’ seems to have rapidly disappeared from our culture. It’s quietly bowed itself out as we’ve favoured busyness, productivity and discipline as our steps to success.

So, for those of us who are overworked, tired or just plain EXHAUSTED, I want to offer you a different way of living.

A way of living that gets rid of the trash talking culture, and puts 'more, more, more' on hold. A way of living that feels more relaxed, more spacious. A way of living that gives you space to nourish your body, your mind, your wairua, soul, and your whānau, family.

I’m talking about the idea of giving grace - to ourselves and to others.

Giving grace is for you if:

• You’re ready to press pause. And breathe.
• You don’t have the time or bandwidth to press pause and wish you did. You really need this!
• You feel like you accidentally got stuck in the movie ‘Groundhog Day’ and have no idea how to exit stage left 😩
• You end each day with a nagging suspicion you’ve forgotten to do something important - you have!
• You’re tired of the negativity that surrounds you - like a grumpy partner, a rebellious teen, a boss who is never satisfied, the driver who cuts you off, or the checkout operator who wishes they were somewhere else.

Giving grace is pausing to see things through the eyes of others (including yourself). I know that sounds odd so let me explain. When things aren’t working, instead of viewing the event through the eyes of the critical world, view it through your own eyes. Here’s an example - you misread your teen’s mood and what was meant to be said as a joke does not go down well. Instead of beating yourself up for being a ‘bad/terrible/useless parent’ in private while you persist in finding an unknown solution with your teen … you say, “Oops. That wasn’t what I meant.” And you move on, letting it go. No explanations. No fuss. No rehashing. No blame. No grovelling apologies.

Giving grace talking kindly to yourself. You know you’re doing your damm best.

Giving grace is seeing ‘mistakes’ as opportunities to learn.

Giving grace is being curious, and wondering what happens next. You’re no longer the one with all the answers and that works 🙂

Giving grace creates space for you to show up as your authentic self.

And when you start with yourself, the ripple effect is amazing, especially for our adolescents who are watching our every move. Not only do you give grace to yourself, you also give them permission to give themselves grace and to show up as their authentic selves.

What are you waiting for? Take a breath and dive in.

Now!

Giving grace begins with an intention, not a start time.

Try it out for a week - you really have NOTHING to lose! Especially since, when you realise you’ve accidentally fallen off the wagon all you do is give grace!

Kia pai tō wiki ... have a great week

Melanie

PS: "I love you" is my Valentine's gift to you. Now take that gift and go tell it to the mirror.

PPS: Remember to register for the weekend course 'From Selfie to Self: Working the Spiral of Self Identity' - one day of learning for parents and one day of learning for your rangatahi. Find out more here.​

Melanie Medland is a communication coach, an author, and a course creator.​

More at www.beautifulconversations.co.nz​

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