Welcome to Connections

Your weekly pānui for tips, tricks, and strategies to deepen your connection with your tween, teen, or adolescent.

Kia ora Reader

With complete honesty and truthfulness - even though I teach this for a living, I still catch myself slipping up from time to time!

Luckily I’m much quicker to notice now and I will pull myself back from the beginnings of a complete whitewash.

How do I know when I’ve slipped out of active listening mode?

• I ask questions that don’t need to be asked. They just don’t feel right in the context of the conversation I’m having.
• My questions become ‘rapid fire’ - there’s barely a pause to hear the answer before the next question is coming out of my mouth
• I can’t remember what we’ve been talking about. I lose the thread of the conversation and with that thread goes the depth of connection.
• I answer quickly.

Noticing when I’m doing that is crucial.

When I’m aware of the slip I’ve got two choices:

1. Run with it
2. Reset

This is really important because unless I can notice that I’ve gone into listening-to-reply mode there’s no way it’s going to change.

So when there's a slip up - and we've all been there - congratulate yourself on noticing that your listening skills aren’t doing what you’d like them to do. Have compassion for yourself for trying to rush or dominate the conversation. Be curious, what would you like to find out?

Then lean in with love, press pause in your brain and put yourself back on track. Little by little these new skills of yours will become more ingrained, more ‘normal’ for you.

Until that golden moment … be kind to yourself.

Kia pai tō wiki ... have a great week

Melanie

PS: It's a month until the weekend course, 'From Selfie to Self: Working the Spiral of Self Identity.' Save your spot here.

Melanie Medland is a communication coach, an author, and a course creator.​

More at www.beautifulconversations.co.nz​

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